i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
