My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize