I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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