I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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