Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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