you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
