check it out our google latitudes are spooning
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
