She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
