I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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