we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
