that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
