she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont even know how to be here
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize