i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
