butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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