All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
