what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
