I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
