I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
