im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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