im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
