I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
zippers are such a cool invention
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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