Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
