Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
