So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
