I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
