Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
