she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize