2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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