Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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