K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
