Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just google imaged poop.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
