He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
