I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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