So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
two words...techno handjob
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
