oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
