break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
