My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize