I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize