i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
