We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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