O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
