Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
