her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
