I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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