Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
