If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
