that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
