i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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