So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
