Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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