Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize