I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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