omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
