it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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