Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This baby is an asshole
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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