his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize