You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
