then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
