Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
