When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
