Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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