I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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