mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
