The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
