and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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