Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
