She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love you. Go after that dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
