I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
