my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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