Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
