Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
