so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
