I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
