tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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