Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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