oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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