apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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