2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
