I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
